I think I chose the hard way...
My protest
I want to protest about the systems about educations. Especially about collage systems and the leverage about many education systems. I'm only an 15years old student who goes to Korean middle school. If I say something about collage systems or educations system, many people would think say that "Your only 15. You don't even know about a meaning of 'e' in the education." I don't blame these people. Because It's true I just studied 8years. How can I know about an education? But If I know a problem about the education and the collage system! How serious is that! Even a person who doesn't lean, who never been to a collage know about a problem, How would the problem be serious in collage!
Almost many students know that these days Korean education system is changing too often(Like once a year. The important thing is that many system can't maintain a year). Why do they change these systems often? That's because everyone know that our Korean education system is wrong. So they want to change it. Unfortunately, these changes produce bad reaction. They changed it too quickly and suddenly. Getting used to new surroundings are not that easy. If the surroundings change to suddenly, people would be flustered. Who change these things? The people who works about educations in foreign country and try to follow it. Is it proper to just 'follow'? I think no. Because they are them and we are we. We will be at least a little different. The people who change these things aren't just one. They are lots of groups about these. So in one year, group 'A' will be stronger than group 'B'. That's the reason the system makes by group 'A'. But in next year, group 'B' will be stronger so they will change the system as they want to. These pattern will repeat every year.
Now about the collage systems. In every students know that Korea high school grade3 is the most painful year of their life. Because this one test would control the rest of your life. "Good collage make good jobs and good jobs make lots of money" these thoughts are the rules(It's not exactly a rule but many people believe this like a rule.)of the life in Korea. If the government give more chance to every student, the life would be much better. If the collage doesn't have the 'level' like France, the students won't be crowed in one collage. Korea has the level, like the collage 'S.K.Y'(Soul, Korea, Yonsei University) is the best. Everyone wants to go the S.K.Y. So discrimination would be more worse. I just wish the government will know about these things.
Katherine- I am very, very impressed with your protest essay. I love the passion and understanding that you have about the education system in Korea. It is great how you think about the problems that exist, and also some solutions that could be helpful. It can be very difficult to write about these types of feelings in a second language, and you did an excellent job of communicating how you felt. There are some really wonderfully written phrases that are very advanced.
Some general mistakes that I noticed:
-Collage= College
-Remember when conjugating verbs, the "he/she/it" form generally ends with an "s". For example: "who changes"
-Pay attention to plural vs. singular. When a noun is plural remember to change it to its plural form! For example: "many systems"
I corrected the entire essay so that you could go back and look at it yourself. The changes I made are highlighted.
Thanks again for writing such a thoughtful and well-developed essay, Katherine! I really enjoyed reading it, and can't wait to hear more about your opinions!
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